Dayna-Marie Palma

“Then I placed the blade next to the skin on my palm. A tingle arced across my scalp. The floor tipped up at me and my body spiraled away. Then I was on the ceiling looking down, waiting to see what would happen next. What happened next was that a perfect, straight line of blood bloomed up from under the edge of the blade. The line grew into a long, fat bubble, a lush crimson bubble that got bigger and bigger. I watched from above, waiting to see how big it would get before it burst. When it did, I felt awesome. Satisfied, finally. Then exhausted.” (Cut, 2002). This is only one example of what a “self-mutilator” is going through. This is only one example of their mental processes at that moment of true pain and suffering. This is only one example of how it feels to not feel at all. Self-mutilation is so much more common than many people may think, yet not many are aware because it is an issue that is avoided. It is avoided because of the uncertainty and fear as to why an individual may want to purposely hurt themselves. This mental illness is deeper than what appears to be lying on the surface.

Self-mutilation is the purposeful action in which individuals inflict bodily harm upon themselves. This includes cutting of the skin with any sharp objects capable of leaving a cut, burning of the skin, or other self-mutilations such as trichotillomania (hair pulling), head banging or bone breaking. Have you ever experienced this, or know anyone else who has? If this sounds familiar to you, note that although 55-85% of self-mutilators have made a suicide attempt, self-mutilation is normally a coping mechanism instead of a distinct attempt to commit suicide (Stanley et al., 2001). However, even though self harm seldom is a suicidal attempt, it is important to take the action seriously and treat the individual. In the United States today, there are 2 million self-mutilators with 1% of the population having inflicted pain at least once during their lifetime. However, this is most likely an underestimation since most self-mutilators do not come forward looking for help, therefore their own illness goes by unknown (Belmonte, 2008).

Are you male or female? Are you adolescent or adult? It is a common misconception that self-mutilation only occurs in teenage girls when in reality self-mutilators range in age from 14-years-old to 60-years-old including both males and females (Belmonte, 2008). Another misconception surrounding this mental illness is that those who self-injure themselves do it simply to look for attention from others in a negative aspect in order to make others perhaps feel guilty. This is not always the case. Is it true for you? Do you disagree? An individual who cuts, cuts for different and numerous reasons. One self-mutilator may cut because they do not know how to express their emotional pain and so feeling a physical pain allows them to see a problem (the cut) and see the problem heal (the scar). Another self-mutilator may cut because they feel that cutting is the only aspect of their life that they can control. They can control how deep a cut is, how long, how wide, and for how long they cut. Another self-mutilator may cut because they may have suffered a traumatic event in their life such as sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. They inflict injury upon themselves because they may feel guilty and that they are to blame, therefore punishing themselves (NASP, 2004). Which applies to you?

The self-mutilator usually starts the first cut either by accident or from hearing about a peer or other individual who engages in the act. Although the individual may feel guilty following the self-mutilating act and vow to not hurt themselves again, under extreme stress and pain they will repeat the action. A big part of this is because of the epinephrine release. Epinephrine is a hormone released throughout the body that creates a certain type of “high” and relieves physical and emotional pain for a short period of time. Once the mind becomes aware of this ability to create this “high,” the body craves it.

It is very interesting to see the similarities between self-mutilation and depression. According to author Mary Pipher in her book Reviving Ophelia depression is “anguish turned inward, and self-mutilation is the psychic pain turned inward in the most physical way.” It is not uncommon to see an individual who suffers from depression also suffering from an addiction to self-mutilation. For someone who is suffering from depression, it is sometimes difficult to put their feelings into words and explain them to others. If this sounds like you, you may have noticed this difficulty. For this purpose, the depressed person may cut themselves as a form of expression, as a way to let out these feelings whether or not someone else may notice. Another reason why a depressed person may cut is that sometimes an individual may feel as if he or she is no longer “alive.” Sometimes the individual, because of the depression, may feel like a zombie who is merely surviving. By cutting themselves, the individual feels the physical pain and realizes that they are, indeed, still alive.

If you are one of the many who is suffering from an addiction to self-mutilation, there is good news out there. The good news is that you are not alone and there is help! The first step is to admit to yourself that this lifestyle is not only life threatening but that that deep down you really do want to be happy. It is human nature to want to be happy! Looking for help is the next step. Psychologists, psychiatrists, group therapies, prayer groups, peer groups; these are just few of the people who are waiting to help you. Remember there are others out there just like you, others who can empathize. Although self-mutilation is an ongoing psychological issue, the healing begins with believing that you are strong enough to want to be healed and strong enough to want to be alive.